Teachers, family members, and friends make me consider killing myself
My relationship with religion/non-religion has been less rocky than most. I think I’ve had more of a gradual decline of belief. It wasn’t until I was in middle school that I even really understood that there were other religions than Christianity.
Upon learning that I began reading about Paganism, Buddhism, and at one point Zoroastrianism (probably because I was 12 and it sounded like followers worshiped Zorro, which was pretty cool at the time). I went through the standard “omg I’m sooo wiccan” phase that many pre-teens experience, followed by Pagan leanings, and eventually agnostic ideals. I considered myself secretly Atheist, but for certain romantic attachments tried really hard not to be. It wasn’t until after my last very serious relationship ended that I finally allowed myself to openly acknowledge my lack of belief in God, the supernatural, etc. I thought I had already gone through my “Grr! I’m so angry at religious folks! They’re jerks! How dare they have revivals at school!” phase a long time ago, but lately I have started feeling more and more angry at these people.
I’m now 28, and decided to college and pursue a degree in Physics (followed by a PhD in Astrophysics). I am attending a public university in Georgia. My English 1101 teacher has made it clear repeatedly that he believes (but he doesn’t say he believes, he speaks as though it’s fact) evolution is crap, and there is no science to back it up at all. On the plus side, he does like Hitchens, but mostly because of an article he wrote in Vanity Fair about “why women aren’t funny”. My world history teacher has told the class, rather matter-of-factly, that Global Warming is a lie made up by Al Gore and that it’s not actually happening.
I have family members that believe because of news they heard from who knows where that in Oregon the United States government is putting parents who don’t get their children immunized in prison and the kids are going into foster care. I have friends who honestly believe the world is ending this year, and that things like gays being allowed to be open with their sexuality is one of the biggest contributing factors. I just want to scream. I feel like my mind is drowning in a sea of truthiness. I’ve considered killing myself because if these are the types of people my life is going to be filled with forever, I don’t want to experience any thing else. Ironically, the only thing that keeps me from slashing my wrists is looking up at the sky at night, and seeing all the stars, and the immense possibilities therein.
